If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
