The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
