Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
