I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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