Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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