end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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he high fived his dick after we had sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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