pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
