Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize