i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
