I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
