If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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