physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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