sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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