i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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