you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
