Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she peed on how many people?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize