I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
