gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
