I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize