why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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