I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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