omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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