Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
