Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
