Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
