I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
