I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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