Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
