So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
