I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
