You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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