don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
