when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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