Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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