i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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