in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
