I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
