girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
