We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Less talking, more tequila
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
