make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
