Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
well you can't waste a boner
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
