I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize