Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
