dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
