If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
