The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
