So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
