We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
