Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
