im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
