she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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