I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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