dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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