How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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