so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
