I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I deserve this hangover.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
