There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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