I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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