brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
this boner is exhausting
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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