I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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