My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
