i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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