By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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