wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
