quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
