my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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