No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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