it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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