dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize