i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
