also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
