Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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