When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I will be naked everywhere
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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