Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
